The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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