We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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