I'm drive I can fine osifer
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
