We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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