im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
