found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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