You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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