just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
