the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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