Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
