And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
