He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
