you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
