why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
