He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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