I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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