Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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