Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
