i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
