For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
