We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
