i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
