Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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