I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
