New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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