Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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