You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just tell him i said nine months
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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