I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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