she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
