Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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