I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
