He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
