why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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