i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
