My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
