wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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