She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
