the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize