I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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