I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
