Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
