She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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