Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize