So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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