It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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