why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
