is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
