like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
