I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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