so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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