Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
