I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
