those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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