nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
