I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
