I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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