I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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