I hate all girls vehemently.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
