Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
