got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
