You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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