...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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