they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
