i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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