found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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