There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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