i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my sisters under your porch take her home
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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