nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
