I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
