DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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